(no subject)

[toothycat]

Original here.

"Little hut, little hut! Turn away from the forest, turn to face me!"
Poorly-oiled chicken-leg joints creaked and dust fell from cracks as slowly, majestically, the hut turned its front door towards Ivan. The door opened, and an old, bent hag in a multicoloured shawl appeared on the threshold.
"Oh...!" was all she said, staring at her guest. With one hand she gripped the lintel; with the other she crumpled the shawl on her chest. "Good day, Ivan..."
"And good day to you, mistress! Would you happen to be Baba Yaga?"
"Baba... yah... uh-huh!" The old woman swallowed and stepped back. "Why are you still standing out there? Come in, come on in, since you've come here. I'll feed you, give you your fill to drink, make you a bath... Don't be scared, I won't eat you."
Ivan went into the hut, looked around and sat on a bench. Baba Yaga settled opposite, weepy eyes shining from under the tangled grey hair.
"I'm here on business, granny", Ivan started.
"Of course, serious business", Yaga nodded, moving the pot towards Ivan. "Here, eat up, love. There's plenty of time to tell me all about it."
"I'm not hungry, thanks." Ivan sniffed the steam. "Schi?"
"That's right. You like that?"
"Yeah!" Ivan picked up a spoon. "I'll just try a little... My Vasilisa was great at making schi..."
"Really?", Baba Yaga asked politely.
"Uh-huh..." Ivan nodded, his mouth full; swallowing, he added: "Actually, that's kind of why I'm here."
"You're here because of soup?" Yaga grunted.
"No, because of Vasilisa. Koschei stole her from me, the bastard. And I've no idea what he did with her. They say you know everything; perhaps you know where I can look for her?"
"Perhaps I do", said Baba Yaga in a wooden voice.
"Tell me!" Ivan leant forward, nearly overturning the potful of schi.
Baba Yaga lowered her head and stared at her palms as though she'd never seen anything more interesting. After a minute, she asked indifferently:
"You love her?"
"More than life itself!", Ivan replied with feeling.
"And Vasilisa... what's she like?"
"She's... Beautiful!" Ivan smiled dreamily.
"What's that you're saying? And what if Koschei's turned her into a toad?"
"Has he?" Ivan spoke with instant concern.
"Perhaps he has, and perhaps not. When someone asks you a question, reply!" the crone shouted.
"It's not important", Ivan shook his head. "For me, she will always be Beautiful. Even if she is a toad."
"And how would you find her, a toad, amongst all the others?"
"My heart will tell me!", Ivan replied without a trace of doubt.
"Your heart, you say..."
Baba Yaga laughed bitterly, as only the life-battered old witches who have seen it all can.
"Then listen up, love. I will tell you true tidings. Enchanted your Vasilisa, Koschei the Immortal has, and locked her up in a tower. There she lies, neither dead nor alive, as though made of stone. And none can break the enchantment. That's how it is."
"Then what am I to do, granny?"
"Do...? There's nothing you can do here..."
"That can't be true, granny! There must be a way!"
Baba Yaga lifted her eyes to glance at Ivan. She looked away instantly.
"Well, yes, there is. There is one way. If you kill Koschei, the spell will break."
"How can I kill him? He's Immortal!"
"So what if he's Immortal? His death, if you must know, is on the end of a needle. And that needle is in an egg, and the egg in a duck, and the duck in a hare, and the hare in a chest, and the chest on an oak, and the oak on the island of Buyan".
"And this island, Buyan - where is it?"
"I don't know. Search for it."
"Even so? Well, thank you kindly, granny, for your advice. You've really helped me out. I'll be on my way, then, I think."
"Where will you go, with it nearly night? Stay until morning at least, morning is..."
"Wiser than evening, yes, I know. No, I haven't the time. I need to look for the island of Buyan. The quicker I find it, the quicker I can save my Vasilisa."
"But it's night..."
"So what if it's night? We, bogatyr, are used to it. I'll be fine."
"Take some dumplings, at least."
"Dumplings? That'd be great. Let's have the dumplings, then."
Baba-Yaga unhurriedly gathered a pack for Ivan; she put in dumplings, some medicinal herbs, an embroidered towel...
"If things get really tough - throw the towel on the ground. And here's some soap and a comb. If the towel doesn't help..."
"I throw those on the ground too?"
"Yes."
"To make a forest? And a mountain?"
"Yes", Yaga nodded.
"Cunning!" Ivan nodded approvingly, hiding the soap and the comb in his pack. "My Vasilisa was a master at these things too."
Ivan threw his pack over one sholder, leant towards Baba Yaga and kissed her forehead. The old woman froze, eyes wide open.
"Thank you, granny, for everything. I'll remember your kindness as long as I live!"
"Go well... Ivan!", Baba Yaga spoke with difficulty. She stretched out a hand to stroke Ivan's cheek, but he had already turned and was walking away into the fast encroaching twilight.
The old woman decisively rubbed her face with her dry hands and went back inside her hut.
"So, what's with all these tales you've filled him with?", the learned Crow screeched.
"None of your business!", the witch snapped.
"What's all this rubbish about needles in a duck? Couldn't you have simply told thim that Koschei is just as human as anyone else? He eats apples of youth every day, so he doesn't get older. Just trounce him with a sword upside the head, and that's that!"
"There's a spritely bird!" Baba Yaga winced. "I know he's not Immortal. It's just that..."
Baba Yaga sighed and wiped the already clean table with her apron.
"He won't beat Koschei, Ivan won't. Do you have any idea how many guards there are? And Koschei himself... he won't give up easy. That much I know."
"There's stupid for you!" The crow cawed in disgust. "It's not like you don't realise that the apples of youth are your only chance. You could have just told him the truth - you think he wouldn't have understood? Who else is to save you if not him?"
"I can't!" Baba Yaga sat on the bench and burst into tears. "I can't send him to his certain death! Even this way... it's still better."
"Then why did you send him on a wild goose chase? There's no island of Buyan! And there never was. You just made it up. Why are you making a fool of Ivan? He believed you, he's going to look for it now. Couldn't you just have lied and said there wasn't a Vasilisa any more? That Koschei had eaten her and spat the slippers out?"
"I couldn't." Baba Yaga sighed. "How could I deprive him of hope utterly? My tongue would turn to such a thing. And he'd never have believed it, anyway. I know him..."
The old woman sobbed and wiped her nose with a sleeve.
"As it is... well, let him be a fool. At least he'll be alive."

Comments

[alextfish.livejournal.com]

"Life-battered" is an excellent phrase, and very evocative. There is a more common English phrase with similar meaning, "world-weary", which you may or may not want to swap in.

[toothycat]

"world-weary" isn't as powerful here, I don't think. It's not the world in general that's made her weary, it's being battered there and then by Ivan's naivete.

[alextfish.livejournal.com]

Also, missing close-quotes after Buyan, and "Schi"? should be "Schi?" And I think a phrase like "... reply!", the crone shouted. would be more conventionally punctuated without the comma.

(typo post: delete after fixing)

[toothycat]

I've done as you suggested, but it looks just plain weird to me without the comma. Is it really weird or is my english grammar intuition wrong here?