toothycat | (no subject)

Original here.

The demiurges Shambambukli and Mazukta were having a minor theological dispute.
"And I'm telling you, reasoning with humans never works", the demiurge Mazukta said.
"You are wrong", Shambambukli shook his head. "I maintain that humans can always be influenced by reasonable argument."
"Only when coerced", Mazukta insisted.
"No, no, forcing them to do things has never led to good!"
"Who said anything about force?" Mazukta asked, surprised.
"You."
"I spoke only of coercion."
"I fail to see the difference."
"It is, largely, absent."
Shambambukli blinked.
"What...?"
"Think about it. Humans are just like cattle, right?"
"No."
"Yes, Shambambukli, yes. Just like cattle, you can compel them with a big stick. Sooner or later they realise that they have no choice and go in the direction you want."
"This is duress. Intimidation."
"Right. And coercion is when you harness them up to your carriage and hang a tasty carrot in front of their nose. Then they think that they are going where they want to, towards their bright ideals and goals - but in reality, you are guiding them, and much more comfortably."
"I see. But humans aren't cattle."
"Bet they are?"
"Bet they aren't."
"All right, then... Let's grab a random world for an example."
The demiurges grabbed a random world.
"Now pick a town."
"This one."
"Very well. And now try to reason with the humans to... well, let's say, get them to be fruitful and multiply."
"You mean they aren't...?!"
"Oh, they are. But not actively enough."
"All right, I'll have a go. Let me address them..."
"Oh, yeah? And you call that free choice? Imagine, you're a human, and suddenly a shining figure comes down from the sky before you and tells you you need to be fu-... be fruitful. Do you dare disobey?"
"You're right. Mazukta, is there a way here to talk to everyone at once, and without miracles?"
"Easily. As it happens, you're in luck. This world has television and the president's New Year speech is in five minutes' time. You can intervene if you like."
"Are you sure it's not prerecorded?"
"Absolutely!" Mazukta snapped his fingers. "There, no recordings, they've all burnt up. He'll have to go live."
"That's duress..."
"Yes. The show is starting; your move."
Shambambukli sighed, moved his lips silently, and the words on the paper in front of the President shifted. The President smoothly continued his speech. He remarked on the complicated political situation, lamented over the shrinking of the country's workforce, mentioned the falling GDP. From this day, said the President, all citizens of good standing need to be more demographically aware. The country needs new youth: soldiers, workers, scientists. Children are our future, our strength, our pride, etc. etc.
"You think this is going to help?" Mazukta grimaced skeptically.
"We'll see", Shambambukli remarked.
"Indeed, we will."
The demiurges jumped forward a year.
"I don't really see any significant changes", said Mazukta. "In fact, the birthrate has fallen."
"And the president's changed..."
"Uh-huh. Right, my turn now?"
"Yup. Go on."
This time, the president's new year speech, forcibly edited by Mazukta, was very short indeed. He but opened his mouth, and the entire town's electricity cut off.
"There", Mazukta grinned as he moved away from the cut-off switch. "While they work out what's happened and start everything up again, it'll be at least two hours."
"And the concert?" said Shambambukli unhappily.
"They'll manage without. There's nothing to do now, no light, no television... expect a demographic explosion in nine months."
"It all seems a bit too simple with you", Shambambukli said, disappointed.
"I don't try to make things complicated."
"Nevertheless, humans aren't cattle!"
"Bet again?" Mazukta grinned.

Original here.

"Here! I've brought you proof!", the demiurge Shambambukli said to the demiurge Mazukta.
"You what?" Mazukta asked groggily, still half-asleep.
"Proof. Here. That humans aren't cattle."
"Oh, that... Well, come in then. Show me what you've got."
Mazukta, holding his pyjama bottoms up with one hand, stepped aside to let the Shambambukli into his flat.
"Are they with you?"
"Yes. These are humans. And they aren't cattle."
"Yes, you've said already. Where's your proof?"
"Right here, I've brought them. Humans."
"Yes, I see they're humans. And the proof?"
"Well..."
"Shambambukli," Mazukta spoke with irritation. "You've woken me up at the dawn of the third millenium. You, yourself - do you like it much when people wake you up at the crack of dawn?"
"I'm sorry."
"So, in short: these are your humans. Explain to me clearly why they're not cattle, or let me sleep in peace."
"They're not cattle. Because they act not due to coercion, but out of love."
"Seriously?"
"Oh, yes. For countless generations I have watched over these people, cared for them, directed them and shown them the most fortuitous paths to develop along. Now they obey me in everything, respect me, praise me..."
"Hang on just a minute."
Mazukta turned to the humans.
"You, with the beard. Tell me, does your demiurge really only command you through love and reason?"
"Oh, yes!", the human replied with delight.
"And you always obey him?"
"Yes!"
"And never go against his word?"
"Never!"
"And why is that?"
"Because of our great love for him!"
"For what reason do you love him so?"
"For everything! For he is our pastor, and we his flock."
"You mean, like sheep or something?"
Mazukta the demiurge grunted in satisfaction and turned towards the subdued Shambambukli.
"So, not cattle, you say?"
"Bet again...?" Shambambukli suggested meekly.

Original here.

"So this is your philosopher?" Mazukta the demiurge asked.
"That's him", the demiurge Shambambukli nodded.
"Hm..." Mazukta gingerly poked the immobile body with his foot. "Is he drunk or something?"
"Yes, that happens to philosophers."
"And you insist that this reject of society has created a theory of free will and predetermination?"
"Yup. I consider this sufficient to separate humans from cattle. Cattle would never come up with such a thing."
"Debatable", Mazukta growled. "Only beasts can get this beastly drunk."
At this the human raised his head, focused on Mazukta with some effort, and declared:
"And if I'm a beasht, whash the blzash... blazesh are you doing ashking cattle to judge your debatesh for you? What doesh that make you, then?"
The demiurges stared at each other.
"I think he's got you there", Shambambukli said with a grin.
"Bloody heifer", Mazukta said grumpily.