Two questions and an apology

[toothycat]

So in the wrong order - many apologies to anyone who tried to contact me or thought I was around last week. I assumed 3G would work throughout Britain - a few weak spots are understandable, but I mean, come on, I could connect to the internet through my little 'Three' dongle in Italy! But apparently, there is no Three 3G north of the Peak District, and so I inadvertently had almost a week away from the internet. Oops ^^;; It was quite nice, in the end.

My first question is related to the holiday (which was wonderful, by the way). We followed what we've done three times before; we drive in what looks like an interesting direction, pick what looks like a nice place and a nice hotel/B&B, and ask if they have room. Now, these places almost always have signs out the front saying 'vacancies', and what are those for if not for people who are looking for a room that night? But almost everywhere we went, we got some really funny looks for doing that. Is it really so unusual and unexpected? They asked us in one place to pay up front, like they thought we might sleep and run, as it were (!)
They were all lovely places to stay, by the way, despite the funny looks :)

Secondly, how is it best to deal with upset? I prefer not to say anything, because I find that if someone I know has upset me, usually I'll calm down in a few hours and then I'll regret whatever it was I said in the heat of the moment. If it's someone I know, they almost certainly don't mean to be hurtful, so I find it easiest simply not to say anything until I get a bit more perspective on it all (this is one reason why this LJ sees very little use ;). Mr toothycat, on the other hand, would rather let people know he is upset because then, he says, they know not to do it again. This also makes sense to me. Perhaps a combination would be better, where I could compose a thoughtful reply when calm, explaining what went wrong and why it upset me. But then, putting that much effort on behalf of something that I usually end up feeling is really quite minor seems a bit pointless.

EDIT: I should clarify, this isn't linked to anything in particular so please don't think it's you who've upset me (whoever 'you' are ;).

Finally, argh, back to cycling-commuting tomorrow. I have 14 pages to tone and a cover to prepare this week if I want a comic out for Expo. There isn't enough time in the day ;_;

Comments

[ninjamachine.livejournal.com]

I'd always say come straight out with it, otherwise it just sits and festers and why should you be the one seething? Get it out and let them deal with it.

Of course, you know the outcome of that particular method in some cases... ;)

[toothycat]

It does depend on the 'size' of the problem, but I'm really referring to quite small things. I've always found that if I vent at people, I only regret it later because I come across as being petty and un-self-controlled. Big things are different, although I still think a measured response is better than an off-the-cuff furious rant ^^;;

[toothycat]

No, no, stop worrying - sorry, I should have clarified in the post. It's just something I've been musing over.

I do agree re bringing things up, but in general everything that annoys me ends up being something I think is not worth worrying about after a couple of hours/days of reflection. Big things are different, of course. I wonder where the line is drawn...

[carol-begg.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you edited the post - I too, was worrying.
One - I'm always dubious of Vacancy signs. If they are up their should be some, but people tend to forget these things. I've had numerous times when I've pointed out a sign stating the opposite of what the staff member has just told me, and received a look suggestive of me inhabiting a land of la-la.
Two - Yes I'd want to know. Personally, I feel doubly bad if I'm upset and possibly complaining (all be be it to Gambit) when the person(s) concerned has no idea. Also one gets a reputation for being unduly moody if nothing is said. It is however true that any issue should be seen in context - I am quiet happy to be free of the constant 'interventionist', American theory of EVERYTHING must be aired. I do not care that you think my shoes denoted a lack of professionalism on Tuesday!
(^^)

how is it best to deal with upset?

[cartesiandaemon.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Good question. It seems it may be very context dependent: sometimes what I need is someone to desist from a specific behaviour, and then, assuming it's easy and reasonable for them to do so, I can directly ask (or ask later if I'm not sure I can raise it in a reasonable manner). Other times I know objectively that whatever annoyed me is probably not actually the real issue, I just need to know the other person didn't mean it, in which case I might say something like that, just jump straight to "can I have a hug" or whatever emotionally-bonding thing is appropriate for that person.

[cartesiandaemon.livejournal.com]

I don't know about bed-and-breakfasts. Nowadays I'd be much, much more likely to phone them up (mum and I have sometimes rolled into tourist information in an unknown seaside town and they've been incredibly helpful in finding a local B&B).

Based on the description of you and Carol Begg my expectation is that B&Bs have shifted to get most of their custom in advance by at least a bit rather than at their door, but have all left their "vacancy" signs up for the last twenty years because it only helps to make them look successful. I don't know if that's true, I'd expect them to be welcoming to walk-up trade simply because if they have space, it's obviously good to have extra custom! But I don't suppose the vacancy sign is evidence either way, because if it's no longer relevant, I wouldn't expect anyone to be organised enough to take it down :)

[bookwormsarah.livejournal.com]

I've just rocked up on a number of occasions, and this is how my mother and I spend our holidays in Italy (I am an expert on asking to see the room (in Italian), and on asking about bathrooms and breakfast). I wouldn't find it off at all.

[emmav.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the post edit! haha, we're all clearly ridden with guilty consciences....XD

Dealing with upset is hard. Most of the time, if it's something I think will pass (or I feel that, really, talking about it won't matter) I'll swallow it down and move on.
However, if it's a hurt that will linger - and one caused by someone close enough to you that this hurt could cause a rift, then much better to wait for a calm moment, go out for coffee or something, and then bring it up in a 'btw, when you said that - it kind of hurt my feelings. I know you probably didn't mean it, but I'd hate to carry that around with me and hold it against you..so I wanted to let you know so that we can move on'.

Deciding which category hurt falls into is hard *hug*

[theorah.livejournal.com]

Good to know you had a nice time, saw a photo from Serge it looked beautiful!
I'm a bit surprised about the B+B too, as far as I know thats the nice thing about B+B's, isnt it? Perhaps they are used to tourists booking beforehand?

heheh concerning being upset I tend to say things right away and regret it later XD But at the same time, I think it's important to communicate all your feelings to other people, even if they're in the moment, so that there are no misunderstandings at all. Once you've said whatever, the other person normally says something if they have a problem with what you said, and thus you begin discussing and all points of view are discussed. And although I may say things I regret later, if I'm always being honest/in the moment then when I see I said something bad I apologise asap (and the other person tends to do the same thing lol)

Good luck with comiking ;_;